The cliche “new year, new me” thoughts running through my mind and 39 years of life prompted me to write this new article. The funny part of about my time on Earth and the new year new me statement, is that it warrants reflection. You may, like myself, have found yourself questioning your actions for the past year. Perhaps even you’re reflecting on the last decade being that this article was written at the start of 2020. Did I do the right things last year? Did I create the way I should have created? Was I a good person? Why do I feel so much regret? This list of questions could go on forever depending on your situation. There’s no shortage of answers either, and who knows if they are right or wrong as we can’t change the past. There’s a quote from Nelson Mandela that has resonated with me for the last few years as I have searched for purpose and dealt with loss and failure in that search. “I never lose, I either win or learn”, Mandela once said when dealing with loss. The quote has had so much meaning for me because it reaffirms that the actions we take in our life are never something we should feel shame, anger, regret, or loss over, but rather we should feel gratitude for success and learning experiences from the years past. I feel like experience whether good or bad is what builds character. It molds us into the individuals we are today. If you look at some of my previous articles or social media posts, you will find that I often mention that education and experience are not the same. For many of us, we have been taught to believe that we can’t be successful without an education. As true as that may be for some, I disagree wholeheartedly because I have seen people who have no education, barely able to speak English, be born into the shittiest of conditions, take those odds and become millionaires. Success, is truly a state of mind. What we define as success and what makes us happy is really up to us. But forget about success, happiness is what we should all be aiming at down the barrel of life. Shoot your shot and if you miss, reload, take aim, and shoot it again. It’s taken me my entire lifetime to realize I have been spending entirely too much time and energy on people, places, and things that do not matter to my happiness. Negativity is a real force. Energy vampires do exist. Distractions kill productivity. In order to see this toxicity, you have to unplug and take a step back. Believe me, I have been on a quest to find myself for years, but I’ve never felt as strongly as I do now that I have been lost for a very long time. Without going into too much detail, I had an epiphany about the world I was living in and what I was allowing into my life. I found that one of the main culprits for all of this is technology. If you talk to me, you will find that I am one of the biggest proponents of technology and all of the untapped potential and power we have at our fingertips. You will also hear me scream that if we are not careful, we will allow technology to destroy the human race. Again this is another debate, and will save that discussion for another article, but only bring this up to say technology has been both a benefit and disadvantage in my search for happiness. Im not going to lie, I do wish I knew what I know now when I was 18. So much would be different I’m sure, but so would the adventure and dwelling on the past is dangerous so I will leave it there and instead learn from the past. That said, let’s dive into a few recommendations for you to think about for your happiness.
SELECTIVITY
As I’ve dove deeper into self discovery, I’ve often heard that we become who we surround ourselves with. The importance of your circle is the most valuable real estate you can ever own. While in real life discrimination in who you rent or sell to is illegal, this is a practice you must employ in your circle. By no means am I calling on you to become a racist or bigot, on the contrary, I am saying that you need to be so selective with those who you affiliate and associate with on a daily basis no matter who they are and what they stand for. Who are your friends? Who are your associates? The scariest of questions when thinking about people in your life may even be who your family is? Do these people share the same values and goals that push you towards greatness? Are these people always negative? Is their negativity keeping me from achieving happiness? Is it worth me giving them my time? Warren Buffett, known for his wealth and knowledge in the financial sector, said he could buy anything he wants except for time. We can’t get it back no matter what we do, so then time must become your most valuable commodity. Valuing my time and how I spend it has become so precious for me because of my fear of death and Buffet’s quote only makes me realize this without a doubt. The next question is then why would I want to give my time to people who are undeserving of my most valuable commodity? Selectivity of time is the only way to live because I choose to give that to my wife, kids, and building relationships with people who are like minded. Mindset, for me, is one of the key deciding factors in who gets my time. Are you talking about people or are you lifting up people? Are you hurting people or are you helping people? Are you discouraging people or are you motivating people? These were some of the questions I often found myself asking of people the last few years. I wasn’t judging anyone, I was observing individuals around me, and in my observation, people so easily revealed themselves. I’m no better than anyone of you, I’m just choosing who I want to give my time or have any influence over my mindset as this is key in my search for happiness. How do you decide who is a part of your life? I simply say take a step back and silently watch the actions and words of those around your vicinity then make a choice. This is a constant practice and something you will continuously need to activate. There’s no right or wrong either, as your happiness, is what you define as happiness. I, nor anyone else for that matter, can tell you what the definition is for you. Only you have the power to do that for yourself and your spirit.
Have you ever walked into a house and something inside you felt awkward, gloomy, or evil? Would you feel comfortable walking into that place again? For most of us, avoiding such a place wouldn’t require a second thought. I often think of the show Ghost Adventures, in where a group of men, adamant about communicating with paranormal energy, regularly visit and record themselves in places that harness this phenomena or ghosts. To me, what these men are encountering is trapped energy. I am no scientist, but believe that a human body is very similar to a battery in that it is capable of pumping out energy. This energy is invisible to the naked eye but can be felt, and just as it can be felt by another human, it can be both positive or negative. This may explain why some of the episodes of Ghost Adventures have captured violent encounters with these unseen energies. The same can be said for the places you go, and the energies that they harness in how they affect you and your happiness and ultimately your behavior. Possibly this may be the feeling we have when we walk into certain places. Could it be possible, that when we walk into a place, a certain energy is attaching itself to us? As a personal example, I will give you the feeling I have felt when I have walked into a room full of aspiring entrepreneurs and established business people. The sentiment is positive and uplifting, and additionally energized me to match that level of highness. This feeling is automatic in that it hits me as I walk into a building full of people who’s minds are on that same mission of growth and prosperity. The point here is that people plus places can work together in furthering your goal to be happy. Additionally, your behavior is forced by this energy which creates action. Now this action, whether good or bad can be at your benefit most times because choosing a poorly energized setting may hinder your achievement of happiness. Therefore, choosing what places you frequent requires your selectivity.
MOTION
When social media started, no one would know that it would revolutionize how we received our daily content. News, updates, notifications, downloads, reviews, pictures, videos, and the list goes on are served up to you through various forms. Someone had a baby. Another person started a relationship with someone new. Your old high school buddy just friended you. You were scrolling through your timeline, saw a story, and gave it a like plus you left a comment. These behaviors and events sound all too familiar and when we begin to take a closer look at social media, it has taken over our daily lives. Here’s a challenge: don’t get on your phone for the next few weeks. How? Some of us can’t even go to the bathroom without taking our phones with us. By no means is this a bash on technology or phone usage, it’s really just to prove how connected we are to our devices and how it can influence our mood. When you realize the power your phone has over you, one will discover that it can be more controlling of our emotions than people themselves. Personally, I believe it is a conductor of energy. It can transfer enormous amounts of either positive or negative energy in turn converting our feelings and sentiments. With enough force, or energy in this case, we create motion. I believe these motions are the actions we see from everyday people. A man proposing to his girlfriend, people donating to a cause, the spirited comments on a Facebook post that creates a heated debate, and even school shootings I think are motivated by energy generated from social media. Wild thoughts, but not far from the truth and when I begin to think about this more and more, again observing my behavior and the behavior of others, I had to step back and that meant deleting my social media accounts. For the extreme in all of us, getting off our smartphones is the true test, but perhaps we will revisit this issue next year.
THE ALGORITHM
While as a digital marketer I have made it my business to invest in social media, I also feel that both social media and I are going through a transformation. For me, I feel that social media has moved away from being social and is now controlled media. How so you ask? Each platform, be it Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and even search engines like Google have an algorithm that serve up content to you every time you log on or use said platform. The algorithm in each one of these mediums is tailored so that it serves you up profiles, stories, posts, suggestions, and even news on what it assumes will keep you scrolling through their web. So the algorithm is designed to keep you on and will do whatever it can to keep your attention. For example, if you’re into looking at cars, it will serve you stories, profiles, and posts about cars based on your search habits. Meanwhile, this is great news for car advertisers because the algorithm is also collecting this data to use it as a way for targeting you in advertisements. As a digital marketing guy, I love it, but as a personal user of social media it makes me less interested in seeing the same things over and over and that’s why I deleted my accounts. I also feel that our social media behavior has changed. These days everyone has an opinion on how to fix the world, but if you disagree with that opinion, you have now offended someone and must apologize for telling someone how you felt about the way they feel. We are now using opinions as facts instead of using facts to prove or dispel opinion. News can’t be trusted in that it too must be fact checked as journalistic integrity has become a thing of the past for some of these news outlets. Rumors, bullying, propaganda, profanity, racism, classism, conspiracy theories, memes, real news, fake news, politics, and a million other topics are up for discussion on social media, and everyone is an expert on said subjects but rarely tackle social issues in reality. Don’t get me started on communication, as many of us forgot how to communicate face to face at the dinner table, but are so opinionated on our timeline. Spell check and grammar rules don’t apply either, as the word and contraction “your” and “you’re” are too difficult for some to know the difference on their social media posts. More recently, and probably what pushed me to this disconnect from social media, was that I didn’t hear from anyone during Christmas. It’s selfish I know, but not one single person on social media said Merry Christmas. As many “friends” and followers that I have, and it’s not many, you would think my message box would be flooded with well wishes, but it wasn’t. A lightbulb above my head lit up at that moment after Christmas. I told myself that I should remove myself and my personal life from social media. Why? Nobody cares if I’m on or off social media, they’re too busy posting selfies of themselves, their moments, or what really matters to them. I’m not mad or looking for sympathy, nor am I bashing those on social media, I simply recognized that much of my energy and time was being given to a timeline that is controlled by an algorithm and viewed by people who do not care about me. This is how I was feeling, and no there will be no apology. So at this point, if you’re angered by my article and are thinking of some kind of rebuttal, save your energy. There will be no sorry or apology tour. Suck it up buttercup.
“ALL ABOUT ME”
It’s been a few weeks and not one single person has reached out, called, sent a text, or emailed, so I can’t be wrong. Again, this is perfectly fine, and if I see these individuals on the street I will be completely civil, polite, and respectful. I truly want everyone who I have the opportunity to speak to and connect with to be happy and successful even if they wish me the opposite. So what if I’m not the first to know about some famous person dying, then posting my condolences as if I knew that person. It’s going to be ok if I don’t post my artificial thoughts and prayers for the world after a mass tragedy, because the truth is you can’t change the world through comments and arguments on social media. Change happens when we take action. Taking action and typing about action are not the same. I refuse to live an artificial life and truly feel that much of what I see online these days is so diluted from the truth. I’ve realized that social media accounts were meant for vanity, and an “all about me” portal is not a place I would find happiness. Perhaps, you are 100 percent happy on Facebook, Instagram, or any of the social media platforms in existence. I’m not against that at all. I sincerely encourage you to be as happy as you can be even if that means being on these social sites, but I will take my personal search for joy offline. My business will continue its normal day to day operations on every single platform and medium as possible, and you may even catch a glimpse of me in the process, however scrolling down a timeline is a thing of the past for me. The saying, misery loves company, reminds me of negative energy in that it is one of the easiest forms to create and collect. In the past I have found myself grabbing my phone as the first thing I would do in the morning, and then have my mood set for the day with negative news and comments. That was energy I’m was absorbing and it would then transfer to my thoughts, words, actions, and sometimes even those I loved. Unplugging myself was the best thing I could have ever done. I’m not saying don’t stay informed or be up to date on issues, but sometimes knowing ever single detail about others lives or reading the opinions and complaints from people is not the best information needed for happiness, nor is it the best energy for our bodies and minds to be absorbing. Some people may disagree with my approach and that’s perfectly fine, but remember my happiness is defined by me as yours is determined you, not me. I am sharing my take on how I am continuing my quest for happiness and there’s multiple paths for you take. This is my “all about me” approach.
GRATITUDE
As I turn 39 and get ready for what I feel is a new chapter in my book, wisdom, vision, dreams, goals, positivity, and happiness are what are in my scope. To achieve these things, I have to unplug from people, places, and things that are a harbor for negative energy, and connect my thoughts, words, and actions to positive energy. Impossible some may say, but I’m trying. I’m not perfect. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but I’m taking steps and I’m happy with the moves I am making. Here’s what I’m doing aside from getting away for these negative energies. I am starting my day with thanks and gratitude. Now here’s the challenge: I’m thankful and grateful for any kind of day. It could be the crappiest day of my life and I’m still thankful for it. People might call me crazy, but I sincerely feel like there’s always a reason to be thankful. It may be that I found a parking spot in a crowded parking area, or that traffic seemed to move out of my way to get me to my destination safely, but giving thanks for those little victories is how I find positivity in everything. The same goes for when things don’t go my way. I didn’t get paid by a client on time, a proposal wasn’t accepted, or I struggled in life when I was a teenager are things that can really break someone down, but instead I’m thankful because I alway feel like the Universe is so great that it creates losses for us as a way to create a chain reaction for good in our lives. Have you ever heard that saying, when one door closes, another one opens? This is that analogy coming to life for us to find happiness. If you’re negative about these situations, then that energy will surround you and things will always be negative even when they are meant for you to be happy. I have seen things change for me. My time and focus shifted, and I even have accomplished a few goals along the way in such a short time. Excitement for what the future holds is really motivating in taking these steps. There still much to be done on my part, but if you have ever considered or asked yourself, “How can I be happy?”, this happened to be my experience after I took that first step. It may be a bit of a stretch for you, but believe that good and bad energy is a real thing that affects you and your happiness.
What will you continue to feed your body, mind, and spirit? Do you even want to be happy? Are you content with your life? These are open ended questions and there is no right or wrong answer as you create the definition of happiness. May all the blessings of the Universe fall upon you as I thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you.
KASH
